Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
