My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I need water and some morals
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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