are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
50% drunk capacity currently
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
