You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
