so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The adults are the big ones right?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
