It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
