Cold hands, warm shart.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
