I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Randomize
