you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
