never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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