Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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