I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
