Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
