Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
