What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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