ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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