How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Come on in and take your pants off
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