Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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