I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Got a toothbrush?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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