so that wasnt chicken after all
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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