When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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