I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
