so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
