So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
