You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
