If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
and she was petting her beer can
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
