I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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