Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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