we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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