Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
