How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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