Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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