yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
