Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
