i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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