Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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