It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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