just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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