Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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