you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
