no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
