And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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