When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
