Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
