you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
