Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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