I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
