So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
