Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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