Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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