those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
