i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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