Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
