I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
