U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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