I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
