Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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