Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
