The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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