I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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