I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
