The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
