You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
