We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
