Dual....:-)
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
