so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize