we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
