At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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