Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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