I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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