he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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