My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
it hurts more in the daytime
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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