just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
