you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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