you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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