Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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