God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
not ubering you a puppy
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
