The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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