MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
