does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
