i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
