Yo dont text me then not text me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize