Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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