Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
