I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
