Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
