I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
