It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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