my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
