dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
