dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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