Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
