Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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