I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
