yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
