I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
