Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
