I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
