Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
