He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
