The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
