Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
